my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So. Much. Porn.
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