I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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