Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
