Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
