I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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