im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
