I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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