Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
