I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
