i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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