if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
