Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Church boner. Awkwardddd
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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