Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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