If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
