she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
