just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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