tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
