Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
