i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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