is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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