woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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