Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
