Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
