he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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