Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
