so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize