You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
