i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
