She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize