There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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