From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
