Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
