fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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