I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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