Soap is not a condiment
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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