he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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