I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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