When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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