I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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