i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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