If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
