People with herpes should wear stickers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
