my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
