I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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