Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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