I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize