As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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