After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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