I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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