dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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