i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
