so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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