its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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