I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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