Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
