I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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