Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
