I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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