Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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