We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
