That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The air was thick with penises
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
