ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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