My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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