you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
