We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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