real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
